In our second blog focusing on sorting out the money we’re talking about property and mortgages. This builds on our blog last week talking about how it works. There’s often a lot of talk amongst professionals about taking the emotion out of discussions and approaching negotiations in a business like manner. If you can do this then that’s great but… Read More »
In a new series of blogs we’re turning our focus to the important issue of money and how you can sort out money related issues following a separation. As always we’ll be doing a Facebook Live on the Friday after the blog goes live to talk about the post in more detail. Processing how you feel emotionally following a separation… Read More »
This is the last in our series of blogs looking at Keeping Children out of Conflict. If you haven’t looked at them yet then you can explore what it really means not to argue in front of the children, what to do when you’re not on the same page, and how can you know what your children are really feeling. … Read More »
This is our third in our series of blogs focusing on keeping children out of conflict. We have already talked about what it means not to argue in front of your children, and what to do when you really aren’t on the same page In this blog we are talking about how can you know how your children really feel?… Read More »
This is the second in our series of blogs on Keeping Children out of Conflict. Our first blog explained what it really means not to argue in front of them. In this blog we will be looking at what to do when you feel like you and your partner are not on the same page about anything. An issue we… Read More »
If you’ve ever wondered whether millionaires & billionaires divorce differently, then you are about to find out. Jeff Bezos, founder of Amazon, who is reported to be worth $137 billion and the world’s richest man and his wife, Mackenzie, of 25 years, have recently announced they are going to be divorcing. So how are the divorces of millionaires different from… Read More »
If you ask those not currently in the difficult swamp of having relationship issues then they may find the idea of not arguing in front of children a more simple concept. For those who are finding each day with their partner difficult, or waiting for the right time to break the news that they want out – or on the… Read More »
If you’ve both made the decision that resolving issues arising out of your separation in family mediation is the way forward then you may wonder how you can get the best out of the process. You may wish to ensure the discussions are as constructive as possible; you might want to consider how you can keep the costs down by… Read More »
Considering separation or divorce? This is a guest blog by Karen Marshall from Love Coaching You. There is a link to Louisa and Karen’t joint facebook live talking about this further down the page. Karen can be found via the following links: LoveCoachingYou.com Twitter@LoveCoachingYou FB@LoveCoachingYou Considering separation or divorce is an emotive question and will mean something different to everyone… Read More »
This is a topic that comes up in family mediation from time to time. We sometimes see a couple who recognise that their relationship is not working well and one has taken the decision to end it but the other felt they should have stayed together until the children left home so as not to ‘break up the family’. This… Read More »
This is a topic that comes up in family mediation from time to time. We sometimes see a couple who recognise that their relationship is not working well and one has taken the decision to end it but the other felt they should have stayed together until the children left home so as not to ‘break up the family’. This is such a huge decision and one no one takes lightly. So how can you make this decision and is there a right way of thinking?
Here at LKW Family Mediation we are in the business of facilitating discussion, providing information and encouraging people to reflect on how they feel and what’s happening. We don’t make decisions for people. In line with that here are some of the things that we would suggest you think about if you are struggling with this decision and what the ‘right’ thing to do is:
1. How much are your children aware of difficulties in the relationship honestly? We see couples who believe their children have no idea that they have been having difficulties but it has later transpired that the children were not surprised by the separation. Even young children talk to each other about their experiences of their parents and can bring things up if they feel troubled by them without knowing why. “Do your parents shout at each other?”, “Do your parents watch TV together or watch different TVs”. “I don’t even know why my parents stay together”. If you think it’s possible your children might say any of these things (or variations) then they’re probably aware of more than you think. This doesn’t mean they want you to separate but it may mean that the idea that you might has entered their minds. With approximately 1 in 3 relationships ending in separation most children have encountered friends or classmates with separated parents by the time they are well into primary school.
2. If your children grew up to have your own experience of this relationship right now would you be happy for them? This may sound like a huge question but it’s important to remember that early experiences model to children their ideas on what things like relationships should be like? If you can see your children saying or doing things that mirror things happening in your own relationship then are you comfortable with this? We have had clients tell us that they came to the decision that they must separate after hearing their children having an argument in a similar tone to the way they argued with the other parent. They just felt it wasn’t healthy and were uncomfortable about this.
3. All of the research done looking at the effects of their parents separating on children suggests that it is the conflict children are exposed to, rather than the separation of their parents itself, that causes the lasting effects and difficulties. So if your children are exposed to conflict (even downstairs after they’ve gone to bed) then that it likely to be having an effect on them even without you separating. It also means that if they are not exposed to conflict then separating from the other parent may not cause any long term problems for them if you are able to work together in a constructive way.
If you feel your struggling with this decision then it might be helpful to talk it through with an impartial person like a therapist. If you feel things aren’t working in your relationship then it may be helpful to explore relationship counselling to see whether you can improve things. Having tools to help communication can greatly improve a relationship and can also benefit your relationship with your children as you learn things that you can pass on to them. They can also see their parents talking more and communicating well and may well learn from this themselves.
If you’d like to watch the Facebook live on this blog then watch the video below.
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