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Getting it right for the kids

Posted by Louisa on 24 September 2018 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation

This blog is the focus on the second tip for minimising the effects of your separation on your children.  It’s about finding a system that works for you, and, crucially, works for your children.  We often get asked what the ‘usual’ arrangements are for separating parents.  The truth is that there is no such thing.  There is no law, rule… Read More »

Communication, communication, communication

Posted by Louisa on 17 September 2018 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation

When you separate from a partner the thought of continuing to have a relationship with the other person may be something that causes you upset, discomfort or stress. But if you have children that is the reality of the situation. You will need to talk about any issues that crop up to do with their schooling, their health, their behaviour… Read More »

It’s about the kids (FB Live)

Posted by Louisa on 14 September 2018 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation , Video

This Facebook Live  follows on from our recent blog giving our top 5 tips for minimising the effects of your separation on your children.  The video talks about each point in more detail.          

Top 5 tips to help your children during your separation

Posted by Louisa on 10 September 2018 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation

In this blog we are sharing our top 5 tips for helping your children as much as possible during your separation.  This will be a series of blogs as we will then be blogging on each point in more detail in the next weeks.  There can be lots of questions when you separate about how to manage things to minimise… Read More »

Do you need a support team when you separate? (Video)

Posted by Louisa on 07 September 2018 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation , Video

Do you need a support team when you separate or is one professional sufficient?  Louisa discusses this question and likens it to the old saying about needing a village to raise a child.  She talks about the costs of having a team and the benefits and what kind of professionals you may benefit from having during a separation.   https://youtu.be/L4gXpsTAs84

What skills do you need as a family mediator?

Posted by Louisa on 03 September 2018 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation

We’re often told that we must be very patient to be a family mediator.  Patience may be one skill but there are others that we would suggest are far more important.  These are the skills that we identify as being crucial to family mediation and to helping couples to resolve family disputes:    Problem solving skills: often it is the… Read More »

Do you need a divorce team when you separate?

Posted by Louisa on 27 August 2018 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation

In a recent blog talking about the rise and role of divorce coaches we talked about using them for support in coping with divorce and in mapping out life after separation and what that will look like for you.  Understandably when we start to talk to clients about bringing in other experts their immediate concern is the cost of paying… Read More »

Can family mediation work in unusual situations?

Posted by Louisa on 20 August 2018 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation

We feel we have addressed the question of how family mediation works and the benefits of using this process in cases where there are two separated partners.  We’ve also talked about involving children in child mediation, known as Child Inclusive Mediation.  But what happens where your family set up is more complicated than that?  Is family mediation still an option… Read More »

What happens when mediation doesn’t work?

Posted by Louisa on 13 August 2018 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation

For a number of people coming into family mediation there is a real fear around what happens if they don’t find a resolution in mediation.  Let’s face it life after separation is hard enough without investing time and effort in something that doesn’t elicit a resolution.  Those going through a separation worry about family mediation costs and it is natural… Read More »

How do you know when a marriage is over?

Posted by Louisa on 06 August 2018 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation

It might sound a strange question but we see a lot of clients who either aren’t sure whether there is any chance of saving their marriage, or who have been told that the other person wants the relationship to end but they don’t.  So this begs the question how do you know when a marriage or relationship is at an… Read More »

It might sound a strange question but we see a lot of clients who either aren’t sure whether there is any chance of saving their marriage, or who have been told that the other person wants the relationship to end but they don’t.  So this begs the question how do you know when a marriage or relationship is at an end?

 

Firstly, any relationship needs two people to want it to work, and for it to be able to work.  If one person feels that the relationship is really over and they are not willing to try relationship mediation (and by this we mean discussion about the future of the relationship with a coach or other form of professional) or counselling (i.e therapy together as a couple to try to help you work on the problems you have identified in the relationship) then that means the other person really has no alternative but to start the process of accepting the end of their relationship.  This is far from easy and we have written a lot about healing after divorce and how to get through a divorce and you can look through our other blog topics for more on this.

 

But what happens if neither party is sure the relationship has broken down completely?  It’s one of the things that we will explore in our initial meetings with clients.  Sometimes discussion about divorce or separation is purely one person’s way of saying “I have had enough” or “I need things to change” and it is sufficiently a warning light to make the other person take notice.  If both parties are on the same page with both these things (i.e that the relationship hasn’t completely broken down and that steps need to be taken to change things) then it may be possible to work things out by using some form of relationship counselling.  We have details of local relationship specialists so that we can point clients in the right direction if they feel that there is a possibility of reconciliation and marriage mediation or relationship mediation.

 

In our experience it really depends on whether both people are at the same point at the same time.  Where one person has been struggling with problems for some time, and contemplating ending the relationship as a result of this, and the other is either unaware of how their partner feels, or only aware to a limited degree, it can make things much more difficult.  Sadly sometimes the point at which one partner becomes willing to try is after the point (or at the same point) at which the other partner decides they have reached breaking point and wishes to end the relationship.  We believe communication is key to all things relationship which is why we’re so passionate about family mediation.  In the same way we believe that talking and communicating helps couples who separate to move on after divorce in the best possible way, we believe communication during the relationship can help to address issues at an earlier stage.  We haven’t blogged about this much because our role, as family mediators, is only to get involved once the relationship has broken down and the couple need separation mediation and are starting the healing after divorce process.  But we feel it’s worth talking about this because we do see couples where reconciliation is a possibility and there is little point undertaking work to effect a separation if there is still a possibility of saving and improving the relationship.

 

If you would like us to pass on details of local relationship therapy then please get in touch by calling 01306 646690 or email louisa@lkwfamilymediation.co.uk

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