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Communication, communication, communication

Posted by Louisa on 17 September 2018 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation

When you separate from a partner the thought of continuing to have a relationship with the other person may be something that causes you upset, discomfort or stress. But if you have children that is the reality of the situation. You will need to talk about any issues that crop up to do with their schooling, their health, their behaviour… Read More »

It’s about the kids (FB Live)

Posted by Louisa on 14 September 2018 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation , Video

This Facebook Live  follows on from our recent blog giving our top 5 tips for minimising the effects of your separation on your children.  The video talks about each point in more detail.          

Top 5 tips to help your children during your separation

Posted by Louisa on 10 September 2018 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation

In this blog we are sharing our top 5 tips for helping your children as much as possible during your separation.  This will be a series of blogs as we will then be blogging on each point in more detail in the next weeks.  There can be lots of questions when you separate about how to manage things to minimise… Read More »

Do you need a support team when you separate? (Video)

Posted by Louisa on 07 September 2018 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation , Video

Do you need a support team when you separate or is one professional sufficient?  Louisa discusses this question and likens it to the old saying about needing a village to raise a child.  She talks about the costs of having a team and the benefits and what kind of professionals you may benefit from having during a separation.   https://youtu.be/L4gXpsTAs84

What skills do you need as a family mediator?

Posted by Louisa on 03 September 2018 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation

We’re often told that we must be very patient to be a family mediator.  Patience may be one skill but there are others that we would suggest are far more important.  These are the skills that we identify as being crucial to family mediation and to helping couples to resolve family disputes:    Problem solving skills: often it is the… Read More »

Do you need a divorce team when you separate?

Posted by Louisa on 27 August 2018 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation

In a recent blog talking about the rise and role of divorce coaches we talked about using them for support in coping with divorce and in mapping out life after separation and what that will look like for you.  Understandably when we start to talk to clients about bringing in other experts their immediate concern is the cost of paying… Read More »

Can family mediation work in unusual situations?

Posted by Louisa on 20 August 2018 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation

We feel we have addressed the question of how family mediation works and the benefits of using this process in cases where there are two separated partners.  We’ve also talked about involving children in child mediation, known as Child Inclusive Mediation.  But what happens where your family set up is more complicated than that?  Is family mediation still an option… Read More »

What happens when mediation doesn’t work?

Posted by Louisa on 13 August 2018 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation

For a number of people coming into family mediation there is a real fear around what happens if they don’t find a resolution in mediation.  Let’s face it life after separation is hard enough without investing time and effort in something that doesn’t elicit a resolution.  Those going through a separation worry about family mediation costs and it is natural… Read More »

How do you know when a marriage is over?

Posted by Louisa on 06 August 2018 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation

It might sound a strange question but we see a lot of clients who either aren’t sure whether there is any chance of saving their marriage, or who have been told that the other person wants the relationship to end but they don’t.  So this begs the question how do you know when a marriage or relationship is at an… Read More »

What are divorce coaches and can they really help when you separate?

Posted by Louisa on 30 July 2018 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation

If you’re going through a separation or a divorce and have been looking for information online then you may have come across divorce coaches.  You may be wondering what they do or whether they can help you to get through a divorce.  Coaching seems to be an increasing trend in recent years and you may be wondering whether divorce coaching… Read More »

If you’re going through a separation or a divorce and have been looking for information online then you may have come across divorce coaches.  You may be wondering what they do or whether they can help you to get through a divorce.  Coaching seems to be an increasing trend in recent years and you may be wondering whether divorce coaching is just a step too far and what it’s all about.

 

We’re often talking about the importance of accessing the right help to enable you to cope with a divorce and we believe that divorce recovery is a whole lot easier if you get the right help from the right people at the right time.  It’s part of the reason we are members of Surrey Divorce Solutions which offers fixed fee packages to couples going through a separation which encompass the work of a number of professionals who work with separating couples.  So many different issues can crop up as part of a separation and these can be financial, emotional, logistical or even legal.  Not being able to see your way past an issue can often see both parties become entrenched in their viewpoints and can be responsible for the souring of an otherwise amicable relationship. Having a tricky issue can see a problem become a big family dispute very quickly.  Getting the right help from the right professional helps you feel you are moving forward with issues and can help stop you getting stuck.  We all know the difference between feeling like you have a plan and are moving forward with an issue and feeling stuck and directionless and like things will never get any better.  We believe that how you get on with your life after divorce is dramatically influenced by the way that issues are resolved.

 

Which brings us back to the role of divorce coaches.  They are coaches who help you when you are going through a divorce.  The role of a coach is to act like a mentor to develop someone’s skills and to help them objectively assess where they are at and how to move forward.  A divorce coach can help with any of the following:

  1.  Practical help with finding out financial information and with completing your financial disclosure.  This can be invaluable if you feel you lack confidence in discussing financial issues or where you were not responsible for any part of the household finances during the marriage.
  2. Helping you to visualise what your life will look like after the divorce.  This is an essential part of life after divorce.  When you feel grief stricken by the loss of the life you thought you would have, having someone who can help you to look at what will be important to you in your new life.  They can also help you to address fear around living alone after divorce.  They can help you to put together a plan for the whole of your new life, or just parts of it.
  3. They can offer emotional support.  They are not counsellors and by using a coach you are not going into therapy.  The coach is offering you short term support during this difficult time and can be a good neutral sounding board to help you to make decisions about different aspects.  They are good at straddling the line between supporting you but also offering tough love and being clear about when you need to make decisions to move forward.  Friends and family who care about you may be inclined to be too tough or too soft because of their feelings for you and any views on what has taken place.
  4. Understanding what is happening and how the different processes work.  Coaches are usually cheaper than lawyers and having someone to explain to you what the different stages are and what you need to think about at this moment can help you with feeling overwhelmed by legal jargon or feeling that there is too much to do.  They can help you to break each step down into manageable chunks.

If you feel that you would benefit from exploring what help a divorce coach could give you then please get in touch with us so that we can point you in the right directions.  You can reach us by calling 01306 646690 or by emailing louisa@lkwfamilymediation.co.uk

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