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Your well being in a separation: Looking after yourself

Posted by Nick Arora on 15 April 2019 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation

In this series of blogs we’re looking in detail at well being and how to look after yourself during a separation. We’ve already talked about identifying your stress points and getting support when you need it.  The Getting Support blog also looks at how you can support a friend or family member going through a separation.  In this blog we’re… Read More »

Your well being in a separation: Getting and giving support

Posted by Nick Arora on 08 April 2019 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation

This is the second in our series of blogs focusing on your well being as part of your separation. The first blog looked at knowing your stress points. In that blog we explained that this can be hard both in terms of knowing your stress points and in terms of ensuring that anyone pressing on those points doesn’t cause you… Read More »

Your wellbeing in a separation: finding your stress points

Posted by Nick Arora on 01 April 2019 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation

In a new series of blogs we’re turning our attention to well being. This can sometimes be a forgotten part of a separation but in times of stress and emotional upheaval looking after yourself is even more important. To find out when we’ll be going live to talk about these blogs like our Facebook page. We usually go live at… Read More »

Returning to work following a separation?

Posted by Louisa on 18 March 2019 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation

In this blog Claire Gardner shares some insights from her own divorce.  She explains the fears she had surrounding her journey to being financially self-sufficient and how she draws on that to help other women who are having to look at going back to work following a divorce or separation.  Many couples make decisions that one person will stay at… Read More »

A simple way to think about co-parenting

Posted by Louisa on 11 March 2019 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation , Video

This video was put together by Louisa Whitney from LKW Family Mediation and Una Archer, a psychologist, from Parenting after Separation.   Parenting after separation can feel very busy. You may find yourself carrying more responsibility for your child, whilst learning to navigate the co-parenting relationship.   Una and I put our heads together to hopefully help you simplify things… Read More »

How a Divorce Consultant can help during the Mediation process

Posted by Louisa on 04 March 2019 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation

This blog is a guest blog by divorce consultant Rhiannon Ford. Rhiannon is a divorce consultant and coach providing support and guidance to people before, during and after divorce. She is based in Walton on Thames in Surrey but works with clients all over the country and UK nationals living abroad. If you have agreed to use the family law mediation… Read More »

Sorting out the Money: Do pensions matter?

Posted by Nick Arora on 25 February 2019 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation

This is the last in our series of blogs looking at Sorting out the Money. If you want to know how it all works, or get tips for dealing with property and mortgages , or understand more about maintenance following a separation then please have a look at the previous blogs. In family mediation we often talk about sorting out… Read More »

Sorting out the Money: What is Maintenance and when is it paid?

Posted by Nick Arora on 18 February 2019 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation

In this series of blogs we’re looking in detail at how to work out money following a separation. We’ve looked at how it works and property and mortgages already. In this blog we will be looking at maintenance and explaining the differences and when this is paid. There are two types of maintenance: Child maintenance and Spousal Maintenance. Child Maintenance… Read More »

Sorting out the Money: Practical tips for Property and Mortgage

Posted by Nick Arora on 11 February 2019 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation

In our second blog focusing on sorting out the money we’re talking about property and mortgages. This builds on our blog last week talking about how it works. There’s often a lot of talk amongst professionals about taking the emotion out of discussions and approaching negotiations in a business like manner. If you can do this then that’s great but… Read More »

Sorting out the money: how does it work?

Posted by Nick Arora on 04 February 2019 in categories: Blog , Family Mediation

In a new series of blogs we’re turning our focus to the important issue of money and how you can sort out money related issues following a separation. As always we’ll be doing a Facebook Live on the Friday after the blog goes live to talk about the post in more detail. Processing how you feel emotionally following a separation… Read More »

In a new series of blogs we’re turning our focus to the important issue of money and how you can sort out money related issues following a separation. As always we’ll be doing a Facebook Live on the Friday after the blog goes live to talk about the post in more detail.

Processing how you feel emotionally following a separation is a complex process that can take quite some time. This emotional recovery is often hugely affected by concerns about money. At some point in the immediate aftermath of a decision to separate thoughts start to slide in about how on earth you will be able to manage financially once you separate your money. You may also start to worry about whether you will have to move and whether you will have to return to work, change your working hours, try to get a better paid job. These can all be stressful thoughts at what is already a stressful time. Family mediation can help to break decisions down into manageable chunks.

Trying to pick out what the starting point is can feel nigh on impossible. A common comment to us in mediation is I can’t look at new houses because I don’t know how much money I’m going to get but the other person keeps asking me how much I need. It feels like a mass of knotted threads and you can’t work out how to untangle them.

This is where a professional like a mediator can be hugely helpful. Through mediation sessions a mediator can guide you through establishing exactly what money you have (both separately and jointly). You can then both look at different options with regard to housing so that you can see how much money you will need for each option. This then enables you to assess whether an option is workable or not, or what compromises you might need to make to make an option work, so that you can then decide whether you are willing to make those compromises (let’s face it some compromises always feel easier than others).

The starting point in sorting out financial issues following a separation is to get together financial information about property you own, bank statements you have, other investments, pensions, information about your earnings and your outgoings. A mediator will talk you through this. The way that you provide financial information in mediation is much more flexible than in the court process so you can do it in a way that makes it easier for you.

The mediator can then help ensure that you each understand the information the other has provided. They can also help you to deal with any questions you have about the information the other person has provided. This isn’t an exercise in ‘catching the other person out’ or things getting nasty. It’s part of putting you in a position of being able to make informed decisions about what’s right for you going forwards. When you move on to your new life following a separation it’s important you do that feeling that you’ve made the right decisions for you. Being there and being eaten up with concerns about whether you did the right thing, or whether the other person was hiding assets is no good for either of you. It’s much better to address any concerns right at the outset.

Mediation is also a great way of dealing with those concerns because by talking to each other directly you can resolve issues much more quickly than waiting for letters to pass. You can also correct any misunderstandings straight away. Communicating by talking generally leaves less room for misunderstandings because you can see the other person’s body language and hear their tone and instantly respond.

Once you are both clear about what assets you have you can then start to map out what your post separation life will look like and to see what the numbers of different options look like. You need to know how much capital you will need and how much money you will need every month to make each option work. By mapping out these options with a trained professional you can see whether they’re realistic or not. You can map out unlimited options in mediation so that you can find one that will work for both of you and your children.

Here at LKW Family Mediation we’re putting together online webinars that clients can download to give them the knowledge and the skills to sort financial matters out themselves as much as possible. We are hoping they will go live in the spring. They will be practical and reasonably priced and, we hope, an invaluable resource for those going through a separation. If you’d like to know as soon as they land on the website then sign up for our free mailing list. You’ll get loads of tips along the way to help you mange your separation constructively too. We also have a separate list for professionals working with separating couples. This includes resources for professionals to share with their clients and details of our forthcoming training workshops and networking events.

To watch the Facebook Live that followed this blog watch the video below:

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